It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
