Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
