you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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