Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We had sex on a dog bed..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
