Capitaan dildo arrescate!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
