Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
