you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
