We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
