my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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