You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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