she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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