Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
