too bad you live with your parents still
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
