I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
