Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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