If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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