At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
