she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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