hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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