Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
