Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
