dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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