I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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