I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
