New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
