Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
