Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
