He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
