So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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