Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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