Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
