You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
