She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
