you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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