1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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