BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
