maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
