Can Purell be used as lube?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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