I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
