I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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