It's Friday. Sex?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
