Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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