guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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