The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
