i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
