I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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