Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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