I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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