I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
