She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
