CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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