He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
