Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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