I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
