Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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